Who she Loves
by HannyHan
Summary: Kate and Sawyer. Set around Catch 22. What will happen when Sawyer confronts Kate about her feelings? I'm not good with summaries so please just read and see what you think. Please Read and Review, it would mean alot. :
1. Prologue

Sawyer waited for Kate to come. That's what she had been doing these last few days. Coming late at night and going in the early hours of the morning. Sawyer knew she was using him, but he felt something for her that he hadn't felt about anyone else so he never turned her away.

She entered his tent without fail. Sawyer was reading a book and was not at all fazed by her presence. She knelt down by him, so that they were facing each other. Sawyer didn't look at her. Kate's hands found their way to his book, and she ripped it out of his hand and carefully laid it down on the floor.

"I was reading that!" Sawyer stared. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Shhhs." Kate leant in to Sawyer and kissed him. He kissed her back. He knew she didn't really want this, her heart wasn't in it, but he was only doing what she wanted him to do at this moment. He felt that he was only good enough to serve as second best. After all he couldn't help who he loved and nor could she. Shame the doc didn't what he saw, thought Sawyer.

They started to become less clothed: Sawyer had his shirt off and Kate was in her bra and jeans Sawyer looked up at Kate who he now realised had glistening tears in her eyes. He couldn't do this anymore…

"Freckles…"


	2. Just the Beginning

**Speckled Girl, Geekmage, Downwind-Sailor, Emily, and Jelly28**: Thanks for your reviews and I'm glad you liked it. Of course I will write more, as long as you keep reviewing.

Chapter 2 

"Freckles…" Sawyer pushed Kate off of him and got up quickly.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked irritably.

"_Nothing_."

"If you say so." Kate sat up, wiped the tears from her eyes which she hadn't realised Sawyer had noticed, and folded her arms across her chest, annoyed. "Why did you get up then?"

"I don't feel like doing _it_."

Kate let out a laugh. "Oh, _c'mon_ Sawyer, we all know that's never true." She smirked.

Oh god, thought Sawyer, why did she have to laugh? Why did she have to have a _god dam_ laugh? It just made her more beautiful and alluring. And it was times like that, which made him want to touch her even more…But no. He had already decided that he couldn't do this. He couldn't do this to either of them. It was false and fake and they both knew that. Or that's what he thought anyway.

"I'm not doing this anymore, _Kate_." He stressed her name, making it clear that he was angry with her.

"You called me Kate." She frowned, confused.

"Yeah, _and_?"

"You never call me Kate." She grabbed her vest top from the floor and pulled it over her head. Sawyer couldn't resist the temptation to admire her body once more, and watch her closely.

"Wow, your _quick_, what d'ya go to college to pick that one up? One gold star for ya, sweet cheeks." He knew she didn't go to college but that didn't matter right now.

"What's the matter with you?" She got up, and walked over to him.

"I already told you, nothing's the matter with me. Something's gotta be the matter with you though." She was standing close to him now, so close that they could feel each other's breath on their bodies. The heat and anger radiating from both of them didn't go unmissed.

"Why are you being like this?"

'I'm not being like anything."

"God, I should have known you would have one of your sulks soon." Kate said, sighing.

"_I'm_ sulking, freckles. I think we need to take a look at the big picture here."

"What was that supposed to mean?"

"It means your not seeing the big picture."

Kate rolled her eyes. "And what does _that_ mean?"

"It means that I aint the one sulking here, freckles." He raised his eyebrows, and gave Kate an icy glare.

"You're implying that _I'm_ sulking? Get real Sawyer, how am I sulk-"

"Before you even finish that sentence, sassafras, I have the answer already. I'm talking about you sulking over a certain island _Doc_." Sawyer spat, and turned away.

Kate's mouth tried to form words, but they didn't come so she stared down at the floor and avoided looking at the man in front of her. Sawyer realised that Kate was silent for the first time in this whole argument. He stole a glance at her, only to find that her mouth was tightly closed, and her whole face had screwed up.

"Get _out_." Her voice was deadly quiet, but her words didn't go unheard.

"What ya talking about freckles? It's my tent! I'm hardly gonna leave it now am I. If anyone, you _should_ leave." Sawyer was facing Kate again. He grabbed her arm roughly and forced her towards the tent opening.

"Don't worry I'm leaving now." She snapped angrily. Kate swivelled out of Sawyer's grasp, flinging his arm away from her. She stormed out of the tent, resisting the urge to look back.

"Damn." Sawyer muttered, kicking the sand in frustration. He hadn't meant for it to go like that or anything like that. Why did she always make things so difficult? And why could he never say exactly what he wanted to say?

The one thing that Sawyer knew was that this argument was far from over. In fact, it had hardly started. It was very late now, getting into the early hours so he decided that the best thing to do was sleep. He wasn't going to go running after her. That was something Jack, the hero would do. Not him. He was far too selfish for that. Although part of him was succumbing to the charms of Kate Austen, and he couldn't help but feel a slight pang of guilt for having spoken to her like that. That feeling was swiftly rejected, and replaced by one of anger as he remembered why he had started the argument in the first place. How she was only using him, only biding her time with him.

I guess I'll just have to wait till mornin', thought Sawyer. But somehow the idea wasn't as comforting as he had first thought, as he realised just what he might have to face…


	3. The Night Holds No Answers

**xox-emily-xox**- Yeah they are having a fight…But where that will take them we have yet to find out. Hehe. –Smiles-

**Dee Lee** – Glad you're liking the fic. And I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

Keep reviewing people, because the more reviews I get, the more likely I am to continue. And it also makes me feel good. Thankies to all who have reviewed so far, but don't stop now! Lol. This chapter is more about Kate but I hope you like it anyway. Happy reading!

Chapter 3 

It was dark and late. After leaving Sawyer's tent, Kate knew it was probably time to be heading to her own tent for some sleep. But she couldn't. She just couldn't. She didn't feel tired either. She didn't _know_ what she felt.

Kate ran as fast as she could through the jungle. She was running again, and this time from herself. She couldn't outrun herself but at this moment she wanted to try. Part of her new she was a wreck and seriously messed up in the head. The other half didn't know what to think. She could barely breathe, she was running so fast. She didn't know where she was going, but who ever did on this god dam island. Trees became a blur, and she was losing her balance. She didn't care though. She eventually stopped when she was out of breath. Looking around, she noticed that she was in a clearing of some sort.

She sat down, with her legs close to her, and her arms wrapped around them. Her head rested on top of her knees, so her body could rock subtly backwards and forwards. She was confused, hurt, angry, upset, in love, irritated…but with whom, she did not know. Maybe it was Jack. Maybe it was Sawyer. Maybe it was herself. Maybe it was all of them. She couldn't differentiate between the three though which made her even more confused. Tears welled up in her eyes, forcing her to blink them out, and leaving them to tumble down her freckled cheeks. This act, only made her more agitated. She wasn't weak. She hadn't been before. She never used to cry as much as she had been. And even when she used to cry, she always had known why she was doing so. This time was different. _I have no reason to cry_, she thought, although the idea wasn't comforting.

As she closed her eyes, she found herself repeating the conversation she had had with Sawyer in her head, and she realised that nothing would be the same in the morning. After that, there was no way, her and Sawyer could speak to each other or even look at each other without wanting to say something equally cutting and upsetting. On her part at least, she wished he hadn't said anything and that the night had worked out like every other night this week. His words had wounded her, as she didn't know how to take them. She didn't even know if he was right or not. And it was something she had to figure out. What did she really feel about either of the men? The last few nights she had been driven by desire and the need to feel loved, but what did that imply? What did that mean? With her circling thoughts, Kate lifted her head up for one last look at the black sky and golden stars, before collapsing onto the grassy floor. She soon found herself asleep, and her breathing returned to normal.

Meanwhile, back in his tent Sawyer was already fast asleep. But he had surrended to his slumber long before Kate had. He hadn't found it at all hard to drift off into dream world, unlike Kate.

Kate felt disorientated when she woke, and it took her a few moments to realise where she was and what had happened last night. She groaned with dread at the thought of everything.

The sun was shining brightly which made it clear that it was some time in the morning. _I ought to be getting back; otherwise they'll go on some frantic search mission like they always do,_ thought Kate. It was enough to make her give out a weak smile. She got up, brushed the dirt off her clothes, pulled her tangled hair back into its original ponytail, and headed back. She walked slowly, in a speed that was the opposite to yesterday. She was in _no_ rush to get back…

Sawyer was awake and reading, which was unusual for him. He never got up early, especially on his own. He watched the tent opening warily, almost waiting for _her_ to come back in and throw an accusation at him to continue where last night left off. She didn't though, and when Sawyer realised his stomach was rumbling, he thought it was about time he left his tent to get some food. He briskly left his tent in search for something to feel his stomach's needs.

When he reached the food stall, which Jack had so kindly put up with the help of Charlie a few weeks ago, the doc himself greeted him.

"Morning Sawyer."

"Mornin' Doc." He grunted in response. He thought that Jack would leave now. He had got his greeting. However Jack just stood there staring at him. "Whatcha lookin' at Doc?" Sawyer asked.

"Do you know where Kate is?" Jack blurted out.

"Kate? Oh, _freckles_. No, why the hell would I know?" Sawyer snapped.

"She's been with you a lot lately." Jack stated, the 'duh' in his tone didn't go unmissed.

"That's only cause she ain't got much attention from _you_."

Jack gave him a look, which showed he didn't really get what Sawyer was implying or he did but he didn't know how it applied to him.

"Anyway nobody's seen here since yesterday."

"Ain't you looked in her _tent_?" Sawyer spat, he was in mood for this.

"Yes, and she's not in _there_." Jack rolled his eyes.

""I'm sure she's _fine_. She's a big girl, hero." Sawyer said, and walked away before Jack could say something else. There was a part of him that doubted what he had just said, what if she weren't okay? Would it be his fault? And then he snapped himself out of it. It wouldn't be his fault, how could it be?

He looked down at the sand, as he shuffled back towards the tents. He stopped in front of Kate's tent briefly. He wanted to check that Jack wasn't making it up. Without a second thought, he swiped the opening aside, and peered inside. Jack was _right_. She wasn't in there. But still, that didn't mean she was anywhere unexpected. She could be washing somewhere or picking fruit. He told himself that he wasn't worrying about her, when it was obvious he was.

"What d'ya think your doing, looking in _my_ tent?" A voice snapped, knocking Sawyer out of his reverie. He turned slowly around, and tried to avoid looking at the woman in front of him. When it seemed that he couldn't, he found that he was greeted with a frozen stare from the owner herself. She pushed her curls behind her ears, and then crossed her arms, expecting an explanation.

"Kate." Sawyer glared.

"_James_." Kate's expression was equal to his. Full of anger, hate, and hurt…


	4. Hurting

**Bonboni - **Thanks for the reviews, and I'm sorry about cliff-hangers! Lol.

**Dee Lee – **Suspense is this fic's middle name. 

**xox-emily-xox – **Glad you think so, and now you will get to see what happens…

Chapter 4 

Sawyer stood blocking the entrance to her tent and he wasn't planning on moving anytime soon.

"Can you move please?" She sighed, fed up.

"I can move just fine, freckles." But he didn't.

"Kate took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "Sawyer, could you just let me in my tent…_please_?" She was exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

"No chance in hell, sweet cheeks." Sawyer smirked, and Kate saw the glint in his eyes. He wasn't really enjoying this little fight thing they had going on, but he couldn't help smile at the way Kate looked so beautiful especially when she got angry and irritated. She was just the kind of woman he liked, not that he was going to let that show anytime soon.

Kate rolled her eyes, and then looked Sawyer straight in the eyes. In an instant, she tried to barge past and fight her way into her tent, but Sawyer saw it coming and took hold of both her arms, preventing her from moving anywhere. "Where d'ya think you're going sassafras?"

"_My tent_." Kate gritted her teeth, and tried to brake hi grip on her wrists but unlike last night, it didn't work, and she stood there looking helpless, which made her feel even more irritated.

"No so fast." Sawyer breathed.

"Look, I'm really _not_ in the mood for this, sawyer."

"Ain't that a shame, cause I am." He said gruffly.

"Can't you just leave me _alone_?" She tried again, exasperated.

"Now that _would b_e nice, would't it now? But I aint _nice_ am I, _freckles_?" He pulled her into her tent, closing the opening behind him, and tightening the grip he had on her.

She sighed again, and there was a brief pause before she blurted out, "I'm tired of this."

"Of _what_?" Sawyer raised his eyebrows, interested.

"_This_." She cried. She manoeuvred her hand, still in his hold, and poked his chest and then hers.

"Well, guess that's true for me now too."

"_What_?"

"I'm tried of _this_." He said, waving with her hands and his, to the space between them.

"Give it up, Sawyer. You were the one who started this fight or whatever yo-"

"I'm not talking about this _fight_. I'm talking about _you_ and _me_."

"So this is what it's about? _Us_. What's their to talk about?' Kate laughed in incredulity. Was she really hearing this?

"_Everything_. There's a whole lot of things we could talk about, but _I_ ain't sure if they're worth it." He growled, bringing his face down close to hers, so that she could feel the full impact of his words. Kate knew what he was getting at; even she could see what those words really meant. He didn't have to say it twice; she knew what it stood for. They weren't worth it…_She wasn't worth it_. That was the hidden meaning behind that simple sentence. She felt like she had done that night before the raft had set sail, when he had told her that he wasn't staying because he had nothing worth staying for.

"Then why are you here? If there's nothing _worth talking about_?" She spat, glaring.

"Because I wanna know why, Kate." And it was as if with that one sentence, his whole heart went see-through, and Kate got a glimpse of what he was really feeling. _Betrayed_…

She wasn't giving in that easy though. "_Why, what_?"

"Don't act dumb, sassafras."

"I'm _not_." She said, defencefully

"Course not."

There was silence, neither knew what to say and at the same time, both knew what they needed to say.

Sawyer interrupted the dismal silence. "I know I said, you could just ask and that, freckles, but you ain't been exactly askin' have ya?"

"I already told you, _it's not like that_." She said, tears welling up in her eyes again.

"_Hell_, we both know that ain't the truth."

"I _don't_." She tried to reason.

"_Stop lying! Damn it, Kate_!" Sawyer yelled, his voice raising several decibels.

"I'm _not_."

"_Shut up. Tell me the truth!"_

"I don't know what else to _say_, Sawyer."

"Then don't _say_ anything. But I sure as hell ain't speaking to ya again till ya tell me. If I been sleeping with ya, then the least I should have is one simple answer, and if you aint gonna give me that, then I suppose you'll just have to miss out on my company, cause freckles, I cant be around you no more."

He flung her wrists away from his, as if he felt repulsed at the touch of her. Which he didn't, he actually wanted more of her but he restrained himself. This was _one_ time he didn't _want_ a fight to end up in make-up sex, because this was the _one_ time he had felt _hurt_ by a woman.

He gave he one last look, before he turned away, he sauntered over to the opening again, pulling it back. He took one step outside, when he heard her call him.

"Sawyer." She protested, "It _really_ isn't like that."

He kept on going, not believing any of it. He could be too damn stubborn sometimes…

"Fine If you cant accept the truth, then _go_. _Yeah_," Sawyer turned around to face her, and she could see the burning anger in his eyes. She guessed that hers mirrored his. "Just _go_. Get _out_ of my tent, and stay away from _me_. I don't _need_ any of _this_." She spat. He gave her one last look of disgust and left, as if he couldn't get away quick enough.

She fell to her knees, and didn't know what to do. Maybe the best thing was to just let him go, make him stay away from her…at least until she figured out where her feelings really laid. She had to do that soon, before she ended up hurting him or anyone else more than she already _had_…


End file.
